i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
