I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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