Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
