omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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