I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
