Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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