Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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