the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize