How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
