then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
