omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
