He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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