You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
