Already got asked if we're dating
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
