so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
