im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
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