Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
