Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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