:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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