She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
