Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Im part way to drunk.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
