if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
