I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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