so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
