Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
