TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize