Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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