He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
