I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize