All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Are my feet made of real feet?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
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