if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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