Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
