Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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