i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
