Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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