I am in a vortex of obligation.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
