I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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