I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize