awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
