i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
