im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
