dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
