lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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