3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
