just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
