Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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