I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
