If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
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