Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
