Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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