i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
