This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
