mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
