I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
