I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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