Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
