you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
