Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
