I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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