is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
