pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
