you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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