i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
