Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
