It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
