when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
babies were throwing up all over the place
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
birth control should be required to get into college
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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