dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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