I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
