I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
