who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
