That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
