You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
