If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
