:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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