You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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