You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
