I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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