Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
