5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize