I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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