Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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