Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
