Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
