you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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