I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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