where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
