He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
