my phone needs a breathalizer
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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