hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
