His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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