You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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