i think my tv is drunk
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
