it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
