i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
