i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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