there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
