im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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