how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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