I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize