If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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