Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
