I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
