Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
