I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
