And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
