How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
cat food counts as protein by the way
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
